tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25320945.post959184440839782091..comments2024-03-17T00:27:14.007-07:00Comments on Jim Ott's Blog: Running from childhood terrorsJim Otthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04720109862602572945noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25320945.post-13916581647860198082008-10-01T09:52:00.000-07:002008-10-01T09:52:00.000-07:00As always, she, you're observations are appreciate...As always, she, you're observations are appreciated and remarkable. Intriguing point about men carrying on the abuse, but not women. I'm not sure I'd ever consciously thought about that. Something in our testosterone or hard wiring. The question is how to short-circuit the pattern. <BR/><BR/>Thanks for your thoughtful response...Jim Otthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04720109862602572945noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25320945.post-21277932934655936402008-10-01T09:37:00.000-07:002008-10-01T09:37:00.000-07:00God bless this woman and her sister, mother and al...God bless this woman and her sister, mother and all victims of emotional/psychological/sexual abuse -there should be no shame in sharing this story<BR/><BR/>no risk in sharing it with others.<BR/><BR/>but until we fully realize that truth.. sharing takes courage; so a congratulations & thank you are in order<BR/><BR/>these are tragic facts for too many, and the more personal stories we disclose, share, learn about and learn from<BR/><BR/>the better chance we have for prevention & recovery <BR/><BR/>having left home early because of an alcoholic step father.. i'm well aware too, the role alcoholism plays.. how it highjacks the brain<BR/><BR/>ignites unimaginable anger/aggression in a % of people -making the aggressive drinker a victim of a different kind<BR/><BR/>the result.. these horrific crimes, the terror inflicted on innocent people; especially children..<BR/><BR/>makes all of life's challenges for the survivor; more challenging<BR/><BR/>it is to go through life with the invisible injuries a veteran of war might know<BR/><BR/><BR/>glad to read here, the pro-active steps taken -the services available- to help her and fellow survivors navigate through life<BR/><BR/>this healing journey requires a great deal of self-love, patience, kindness<BR/><BR/>baby steps & leaps of faith<BR/><BR/>and requires being surrounded by people who love and care and understand, and completely protected from anyone who adds to (or even triggers memories of) the pain/suffering in any way<BR/><BR/>and i smiled to read the change of heart once she had her son, <BR/><BR/>you know my story ren man.. in addition to the alcoholic step dad.. three violent sexual assaults<BR/><BR/>and a heap of healing necessary to continue on in life<BR/><BR/>but i would say, as a single person, the pace of my healing was slow<BR/><BR/>once i became a mommy.. giving & receiving such unconditional love on a daily basis<BR/><BR/>this contributed enormously to increasing the momentum of my healing process; making life & living worthwhile again<BR/><BR/>love can do that.<BR/><BR/>interesting to me though.. to read this:<BR/><BR/>"a man whom she has come to realize was no doubt abused himself as a boy."<BR/><BR/>and for many abusive people (mostly, but not exclusively male) we make this association; accept this association:<BR/><BR/>the abused becomes an abuser<BR/><BR/>BUT.. mostly, not exclusively for the female gender<BR/><BR/>the abused young female cannot imagine.. would never.. is incapable of inflicting pain on another<BR/><BR/>i've read it over and over throughout the years..<BR/><BR/>how (again not 100% but close) female survivors make sure<BR/><BR/> their loved ones never know the pain they've known, <BR/><BR/>but a higher percentage male survivors (not all, but higher percentage)<BR/><BR/>make sure their offspring, or others within reach & control, know exactly the pain they suffered.. like "i suffered so you will suffer too!"<BR/><BR/>vs. "i suffered and want to make very sure you never have to"<BR/><BR/>i'm very interested in understanding this/looking at this closer: an outcome of more anger vs. deep compassion/protection..<BR/><BR/>from both a soul and neurological perspective<BR/><BR/><BR/>thank you both for sharing this story. my prayers, blessings, and love <BR/><BR/>God shine!<BR/><BR/>~s.SHEhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15826249683489196986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25320945.post-51186825980831157622008-09-29T09:24:00.000-07:002008-09-29T09:24:00.000-07:00After this column was published, I received two em...After this column was published, I received two emails from readers, which I forwarded to my student, who in turn emailed me with the following remarks: <BR/><BR/>"I know it was probably a bit risky for you to tell my story, but I appreciate you having the courage to do so and I thank you for sending these readers comments. <BR/><BR/>I know that it's not any better, but [just to clarify] my father had molested us, not raped us. He raped my mother. I also belong to several online Borderline support groups and one in-person trauma group where almost all of the members have suffered a medium to high level of sexual, physical and emotional abuse by parents/caretakers. Which is a huge factor in developing some type or many types of emotional personality disorders. I hear similiar and even worse stories all time. That may be why I wasn't ashamed to tell this story and I'm not shocked by much anyone tells me.<BR/><BR/>What I wanted to mention the other day [before class] is that I spent the first part of my life trying to kill myself or make other people kill me because of the pain I felt. When I had my son, that all changed and I would never dream of doing anything like that anymore. I'm still working through a lot of issues because of my experiences, but I came to realize that people need me in this world more than they don't. I have helped many who have suffered the same simply because I have been there and they can feel this and they can finally share their secrets with someone who truly understands. I trust that others will always be sent to me that I can help in some way. People always feel they can talk to me about their highest dreams and their deepest pains and fears. I wouldn't trade that for anything. I apologize for not offering some of this more uplifting information from the start. Sometimes I take for granted that others don't know exactly how I feel."Jim Otthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04720109862602572945noreply@blogger.com