Big sister sees big picture

This column was published in the Tri-Valley Herald on July 22, 2008.

Sabrina Chaco of Livermore was 8 years old when one day after school her parents had something to tell her that would change her life forever.

“My mom actually put me on her lap,” wrote Chaco, now 12, in a recent school essay, “and told me that she and my dad loved me so much and that they were sad they couldn’t give me a baby brother for Christmas like I had asked a few years ago.”

Her mother went on to say they were thinking about adopting two sisters, ages 2 and 4, from a foster home. The little girls were wards of the state.

They also happened to be Chaco’s cousins, her father’s sister’s children.

“Wondrous thoughts bounced around in my head,” Chaco wrote. “Would they like me? Would they share the same room as me? Are they friendly? What if they think I’m mean? Could they be mean?”
Chaco’s parents wanted her to be part of the decision about whether to adopt. “I had to think it through,” she wrote, adding that saying no would mean wondering her whole life about what could have been, while saying yes could cause regret. After all, though she had an older half-sister named Tasheena, Chaco was living like an only child since Tasheena had her own place and Chaco usually got whatever she wanted.

“But just looking at how happy my parents were, and seeing those wide smiles on their faces and how much this meant to them was what convinced me the most,” she wrote.

Chaco gave her mom a big hug and kiss and said in a cheerful voice, “Of course! It’s totally fine with me.”

Soon the family was driving down every three weeks to Southern California to visit the sisters in their foster home. This went on for six months and included visits with the girls’ social workers, court-appointed attorneys, and counselors.

After a hearing in which the rights of the girls’ biological parents were abolished, a judge allowed the girls to move in with their new family in November 2004. Within a month the little girls started referring to Chaco’s parents as mommy and daddy.

Still, this was only the beginning of the adoption process.

“We were answerable to the state,” said Rose Chaco, Sabrina’s mother. Over the course of the two-year adoption process, the Chacos were visited twice by court-appointed attorneys and every month by various social workers.

“Not only were we subject to questioning,” said Rose, “but our home had to meet state standards and was subject to inspection.” State workers checked sleeping accommodations, fire extinguishers, child safety latches, even the temperature of the water heater.

“We were exhausted, but we never gave up,” Rose said. “My husband and I felt like we were living under a microscope, but we understood the need for such procedures.”

Sabrina Chaco recalls enjoying the process of picking new names for the girls: “My mother and father wanted all of our names to start with an S and end with an A since my name was Sabrina. We ended up giving them really long names.”

Chaco’s youngest new sister, Aaliyah, became Samantha Aaliyah Flisco Chaco. Her other new sister, Kylani, became Sophia Kylani Flisco Chaco.

In November 2006, thanks primarily to a mother’s willingness to open her heart to two little girls whose troubled early years will likely complicate the years to come, the adoption became final. For many people, such a choice would mean too many sacrifices.

But not for Sabrina’s mom.

Born in Florida, Rose Chaco moved at an early age to Guam where she grew up and lived for 21 years. “My father was in the Navy,” she said. “When my parents divorced, my brother and I lived with my mother, while my father continued his Navy career.”

After graduating from college with a degree in psychology, Rose’s love of children led her to become a caseworker for a privately funded shelter for troubled youth. “Most of my cases involved children who were physically and sexually abused,” she said. “It was an emotionally demanding job.”

While Guam is a beautiful place, Rose said tough economic times prompted her to return to the United States with her husband and daughter in June 2000. Among her various possessions, she brought along from Guam her compassion for children in need.

“I love all my children,” she said. “In my eyes, I have always had four daughters, and while we may not be the typical family, we are still a family.”

And as for Sabrina Chaco, she has no regrets: “I often look back and wonder what my life would’ve been like if I said that it wasn’t okay with me,” she wrote. “But every time I think about it, I am more convinced I made the right choice. I can’t imagine my life without my sisters.”
















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To fish or not to fish

This column was published in the Tri-Valley Herald in July 2008.

As I type these words on a laptop, I’m sitting on a sofa in a cabin in the small resort town of Twain Harte, California. It’s early morning and my two daughters are still asleep. My wife is next to me reading. Coffee is brewing in the kitchen.

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As you read this, Fourth of July has come and gone and I've returned home, but as I write this, I’m still here in the mountains hoping to capture for you the scent of pine, the clear sky, the sounds of pingpong and swimming and a rushing stream.
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We’ve been coming up to Twain Harte for many years. Located north of Sonora, the town is named after Mark Twain and Bret Harte, who spent time in these parts. This is Gold Rush country, and the small mining town of Columbia, now preserved as a state historic park, is just a stone’s throw from here.

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Each summer we rent a cabin and we’re always pleased to see people up here from back home. Across the street is a cabin owned by Art and Christine Hein, who were here for a few days and took in the Fourth of July parade.

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And just a few strides down the road are cabins owned by the Hart family. These are the grown children of Thomas Hart, for whom the middle school in Pleasanton is named. In fact, another family of educators, the Sweeneys, are here for a reunion with the Harts. Neil Sweeney, the first principal of Foothill High School who still lives in Pleasanton with his wife Bev, introduced Thomas Hart to this resort town back in 1971. In all, more than 50 Harts and Sweeneys of all ages gathered for an old-fashioned barbeque on Independence Day.

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Summers in Twain Harte often provide my family with some type of life lesson. Two years ago we were all reminded how precious life is when I was violently swept downriver from my family on a rafting trip. This year’s lesson occurred at a trout farm.

I heard about the trout farm from Don Cooper of Livermore, who spent many childhood summers in this area. I knew instantly we’d visit because my 12-year-old daughter, Kelsey, loves to fish, though she’d only ever caught two fish in her life.

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Before I go on you need to know that Kelsey loves all creatures, and hates to see animals in pain. Like many kids her age, she’s been shaped by the threat of global warming and the impending extinction of species, so she doesn’t even like it when I snatch snails from flowers in our yard.

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How she justifies the thrill of catching a fish is with the knowledge that she can release the slippery little being back into its habitat.

So as we arrived at the shady farm of streams and a pond brimming with trout, we were confronted with a sign that read, “No catch and release.” And so began the dilemma.

We understood that the farm’s proprietor needs to earn a living. He charges no entry fee, but instead charges for each fish caught, which he cleans and packs in ice. To catch and release is akin to, say, buying a book, quickly reading it, then returning it with no profit to the bookstore.

So Kelsey had to make a decision: to fish or not to fish.

Melissa, my 16-year-old who brought along a book instead of fishing gear, offered her sister the reassuring perspective that as humans, we’re part of the food chain. “When we eat chicken, someone has to kill the chicken,” she said.

Still, the thought of personally killing a fish gave Kelsey pause. We didn’t need the fish to survive. And yet the thrill of the hunt called out to her prehistoric inner cave warrior. Here she was, fishing rod in hand, trout visible just yards away.

On her second cast, she hooked a mighty rainbow trout that fought the line like a scene from “The Old Man and the Sea.” Then, not unlike Santiago after he caught the marlin in the Hemingway tale, Kelsey regretted her action as we slipped the gasping fish into a bucket.

And yet the challenge of line against muscle lured her to cast yet again into the teaming multitude of fish. And soon adrenaline ricocheted through her veins as another trout complied with the ancient ritual we call fishing.

This time, though, she stopped. Two fish—one now dead and one nearly so—were enough.

As the souls of the two trout edged silently toward heaven, I knew I’d never forget the look in Kelsey’s eyes as she grew a little older that day, as we ended another chapter of memories in the quiet pines of these mountains.
















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Babies at work? You bet!

This column appeared in the Tri-Valley Herald on July 1, 2008

Last year when Wendy and Tommy Zanotelli became the proud parents of a baby boy they named Christian, they knew that soon their son would tag along with mom to work.

“My employer encourages moms and dads to bring their babies to work,” said Wendy Zanotelli. “We’re very fortunate.”

Ironically, Zanotelli, chief operating officer of UNCLE Credit Union, had her doubts about the program when it was first proposed in 2002 by an accounting manager who was expecting.

"At that time, I just couldn't fathom how having babies in the office could possibly work,” said Zanotelli, “especially with our staff on the teller line.”

Nonetheless, a few months later in 2003, the program was launched. “Now I’m one of the biggest supporters,” Zanotelli said.

Titled “Babies in the Workplace,” the program allows employees to bring their infants to work with the written release of a doctor. This benefits both the employer and the employees, and allows the babies to be with their parent instead of a daycare provider.

“As employees, we’re more likely to come back to work sooner,” said Angela Hewey, who has had two babies in the program and is expecting her third. “This benefits our company because we don’t have to hire and train temporary help,” she said.

Zanotelli said employee productivity hasn’t been a problem because while an employee with a baby may not be quite as productive as usual, a new parent who worries about a child in daycare isn't necessarily productive anyway if he or she is constantly calling to check on the baby.

“In my experience, the parents are even more diligent to make up for the time when they are caring for their child,” Zanotelli said.

An unexpected benefit of the program has been the morale boost and sense of family that comes with having a baby around.

“Our employees love the babies and pitch in to care for them,” said Rose Chaco, another executive at the firm. Chaco said the babies encourage employees to get to know one another on a more personal level as they talk about their children and families.

Chaco is proud to point out that in 2003 the credit union won a Family-Friendly Employer Award from Child Care Links, a local agency that serves as an advocate for quality childcare.

Even customers enjoy the babies. The typical customer response is summed up in this email excerpt: “Thank you for being sensitive to the needs of new mothers and their babies. It must be wonderful for both mother and baby to be together during the day. And I suspect saving the cost of infant childcare will gain you some valuable employee loyalty.”

Of course, mothers aren’t the only ones who bring their babies to work. Four fathers have participated, and one dad had two boys come through the program.

In all, 19 babies have participated. (The firm employs about 80 people.) Looking ahead, eight employees are currently expecting, and most plan to bring their babies to work.

"This will be the most babies we've ever had at a given time,” said Zanotelli, who notes that babies are welcome on site until they reach the age of eight months or begin to crawl, whichever comes first.

“After they leave us, we really miss them,” she said.

While a handful of firms have contacted the credit union about this unique program, including a company from Australia, Zanotelli hopes to get the word out to more employers and encourages them to explore this family-friendly benefit. She invites inquiries at wzanotelli@unclecu.org.